The Woman In Me

I am going to be 30 in a few weeks. I'm trying to wrap my mind around that. My twenties have brought so many experiences and adventures, and I feel like I've been so many different women during this last decade. Somehow, I morphed (although I doubt I did it gracefully) into the woman I am today. It's so strange to even call myself a "woman." The term "girl" seems like a better fit. Yet here I am, staring into the sunset of my twenties, of my youth. Interestingly, as this decade in my life draws to a close, I am, in some ways, returning to the girl I was when I first entered it. The realities of life that I have encountered have brought a touch of cynicism and bitterness to my soul, and I find myself yearning for the simplicity and abandon that I knew in my youth. Specifically, I long for a return to the girl I was when I could write poetry without being critical - where I could sit down at the piano and plunk out a song so that my soul could sing, where I wasn't paralyzed by knowledge and comparison. Oh, to go back! To go back.

Perhaps, now, I will be able to once again embrace those emotions that led me to write, to create, and pour into my art the lessons I've learned since that time. Perhaps now, my musings will be wiser and stronger - better able to withstand any blows of criticism that would try to beat me down.

I'm still getting to know this woman inside of me. I knew her as a girl, and I'm not quite sure who she is these days. I once heard that your twenties are for finding out who you are. Well...I'm not so sure I've discovered that yet, but I at least have this advantage: I made it. I made it through!

I have three daughters (and one son) of my own now. Surely I owe it to them to figure out this thing called "womanhood." As I write this, hope rises within me. I love change - I really do - I love the start of an adventure. I pray that this next decade will be full - full of love, full of life. Full of Love, full of Life. Full of You, Jesus.