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There are so many times when I feel things as a Mom that I wonder "Does anyone else feel this way?" This leads me to googling different aspects of motherhood, usually things like "angry mommy, cranky mommy, etc." It's sometimes hard to find things written by other mothers that mirror my emotions, so I thought, hey, what the heck, I'd start a blog. Maybe it'll only help me as I vent, or maybe at least one other person will read it and go "yeah, that's me!" and we can walk on, each of us refreshed, knowing that we're not alone in this.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

AM I alone in this???

So here we go...does anyone else out there ever have days where they don't like their kids? (There...I said it. And I said it for all the world to hear! But don't tell my kids...) I mean, of course I love them, and most of the time, I like them, but sometimes, I just don't. Poor things - it's not their fault, really. I mean, we were all annoying when we were little, I'm sure. But sometimes, when I wake up in the morning and hear them fighting down the hall, I pull the covers over my head and wish really hard that I were somewhere else. Like in Europe at a sidewalk cafe drinking coffee, or at some university learning Russian, or even just in another bed where I could lay in bed as long as I wanted to and not have to face rising bloodpressure at 7:45 in the morning.

Yesterday, the kids woke me up by tattling on each other, and then, since I was now awake, promptly started bugging me to make breakfast. We spent the first 3 hours or so of the morning in the house, and my foul mood hadn't changed any, so we headed to a park for some relief. When we got there, we ate some sandwiches I had packed, and I literally looked across the table at my son, who was drinking ALL the water in the water bottle that all 5 of us were supposed to share, and thought "No, thanks." I honestly thought that! And it wasn't "No, thanks, I don't want any water", but it was "No, thanks, I'd really rather not do this mommy thing anymore." Isn't that horrible? I shooed them off to go romp around on the playground, and, with 15 feet of mulch between us, finally started feeling fondly about them again. When I have these feelings, I realize how devastated I would be without each of them, and I try to remember how blessed I am to have these wonderful lives as a part of mine. I have friends who don't have children yet because of reproductive issues and who desperately long for kids, and I try to shame myself into being thankful instead of cranky. But I feel like each place has its valid feelings. Meaning, my friends without kids, their feelings of longing and loneliness are valid, just as valid as my feelings of irritation at the kids I am blessed to have. So, that said, I don't think we should feel condemned for these fluctuating feelings towards our kids. I think we just need to have time to pour our hearts out to God, the Ultimate Parent, who can then change our hearts and give us HIS perspective on our kids. That certainly helps.

Anyhoo, maybe I'm the only one who has felt like this, but I thought I'd put it out there.