Confession #1: On Saturday, my husband was working all day, so I, ready to leave the confines of the home, loaded the kids into the van and headed out on to the open road. "Ah, the open road!", I said to my self. Clearly, I had grand expectations for a relaxing and contemplative drive. HELLOOOOOO...reality: I have four kids under the age of 6. Actually, all four kids weren't the issue - the main important fact that I forgot was that I have two-year-old. A very loud one. Who sits right behind me. Yes, I must be insane to think that I could do this with my two-year-old in tow. You know, I forget these things momentarily. I have these memory lapses where I think, "Oh, yes, what a great idea!" Stupid, stupid, stupid. Oh, we took our drive. But by the time we were 30 minutes into it and headed off to a nearby small town, I was honestly thinking if there were a safe way to deposit my toddler somewhere and come back for her later. No, I'm not kidding. She was screaming in my ear and I totally lost it. I'm seriously concerned that I, at age almost-30, am suffering from hearing loss due to the deafening, protesting shrieks that often occur right next to my ears. You know, if you're going to have hearing loss, make it worth something: get it from going to concerts, or playing in a band, or whatever. Not from a two-year-old - those memories aren't something I'm going to look back on and go "Yeah, I can't hear that well anymore, but, dude, we had some rockin' good times!"
Anyways, I'm having these thoughts of "Is there a safe way to park her somewhere in a field and come back for her later" - you know, the things you would never, ever do, but try to rationalize that someone should invent something to make this a viable option - and my other kids are concerned at this point b/c Mommy is obviously about to crack. As I explain to them very exasperatingly that it's not really anyone's fault that I'm angry, I calm down, realizing that although my screaming toddler is hard to handle sometimes, that she is, after all, only 2, and she doesn't have the maturity to make herself act differently. And basically, it all comes down to the fact that it was Mommy's fault for coming up with an idea that wasn't realistic. This little realization is something I clue into occasionally when I notice that I'm really angry or cranky and I'm not sure why. What were my goals?: Go on a little drive on a beautiful, sunny day, and give myself time to sort out some things that I was mulling over. But I woke up to the cold, hard blow of reality and remembered that it wasn't just me in the car that day. Oh, sure, they'll be times when it's just me...but this time, it just wasn't going to happen.
So, all that said, and there's really no conclusion - it's just part of raw mommyhood! I try to remember to ask myself "What are your goals?" whenever I'm frustrated at something that's not happening like I wanted. And the answer? If you've got four young children...I'm pretty sure you're gonna have to change your goals!
Confession #2: My 6-year-old daughter is a perfectionist. She's very thorough and particular about things, which is pretty much opposite of me. Last night, we were going out to eat, so she put on this pretty little dress and some clips to put on the sides of her head to accent her ponytail. She was very adamant that I put her hair in the ponytail (instead of her doing it for herself), so I distractedly started brushing her hair with my hands and preparing the requested hairstyle. Now, we're standing in front of the mirror, and from the 3.5 feet tall angle, it looked pretty good. She smiles at me and says, "Mommy, I like it better when you do my hair, because when I do it, it always has lots of bumps in it." I look down at the top of her head from my 5.5 feet view and see all kinds of lumps and bumps. I paused for a minute, knowing that if she could see them, she would not be satisfied and want me to redo it...and considered whether or not it was wrong to not tell her that the hairstyle indeed had plenty of bumps. I'd like to say that I took the high road and confessed to her, but, instead, I complimented her on how pretty she looked and prodded the kids out the door. I do feel a little guilty about this, but, hey - from the head-on view, she did look great!
Anyways, I'm having these thoughts of "Is there a safe way to park her somewhere in a field and come back for her later" - you know, the things you would never, ever do, but try to rationalize that someone should invent something to make this a viable option - and my other kids are concerned at this point b/c Mommy is obviously about to crack. As I explain to them very exasperatingly that it's not really anyone's fault that I'm angry, I calm down, realizing that although my screaming toddler is hard to handle sometimes, that she is, after all, only 2, and she doesn't have the maturity to make herself act differently. And basically, it all comes down to the fact that it was Mommy's fault for coming up with an idea that wasn't realistic. This little realization is something I clue into occasionally when I notice that I'm really angry or cranky and I'm not sure why. What were my goals?: Go on a little drive on a beautiful, sunny day, and give myself time to sort out some things that I was mulling over. But I woke up to the cold, hard blow of reality and remembered that it wasn't just me in the car that day. Oh, sure, they'll be times when it's just me...but this time, it just wasn't going to happen.
So, all that said, and there's really no conclusion - it's just part of raw mommyhood! I try to remember to ask myself "What are your goals?" whenever I'm frustrated at something that's not happening like I wanted. And the answer? If you've got four young children...I'm pretty sure you're gonna have to change your goals!
Confession #2: My 6-year-old daughter is a perfectionist. She's very thorough and particular about things, which is pretty much opposite of me. Last night, we were going out to eat, so she put on this pretty little dress and some clips to put on the sides of her head to accent her ponytail. She was very adamant that I put her hair in the ponytail (instead of her doing it for herself), so I distractedly started brushing her hair with my hands and preparing the requested hairstyle. Now, we're standing in front of the mirror, and from the 3.5 feet tall angle, it looked pretty good. She smiles at me and says, "Mommy, I like it better when you do my hair, because when I do it, it always has lots of bumps in it." I look down at the top of her head from my 5.5 feet view and see all kinds of lumps and bumps. I paused for a minute, knowing that if she could see them, she would not be satisfied and want me to redo it...and considered whether or not it was wrong to not tell her that the hairstyle indeed had plenty of bumps. I'd like to say that I took the high road and confessed to her, but, instead, I complimented her on how pretty she looked and prodded the kids out the door. I do feel a little guilty about this, but, hey - from the head-on view, she did look great!
1 comment:
Hey, Sweet Sister. It took me a long time to realize that most of our problems *anger, frustration, disappointment* stem directly from our unrealistic expectations. What really helps is to just take a moment to chill and let the people around you be who they are. To be an observer instead of an active participant (trying to MAKE things happen.) BTW...I imagine that this is God's perspective with his creation. He does influence, but lets us make our own choices. I'm happy that at the tender age of thirty,you have already discovered this truth for yourself. (It's putting it into practice that's the challenge. Daily. :-)
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