Remember what I said about my two-year-old normally talking in big sentences? Here's something she just said. (Shiloh was drinking out of a cup with drawings on it, while Anneliese just had a plain colored cup with a star. Anneliese was talking about the star, and Shiloh responded with this):
"I don't have a star on my cup. I have people! See, Mommy? That's Clifford!"
And this kid hasn't been 2 for that long! Maybe I'm a little biased, but I think she's brilliant! :)
Then, earlier today, Maddy was rushing out the door for
school but also reciting a poem she had just written, something about popcorn. Let's just say it was full of "POP POP POP!".
Fun morning sounds, sweet little voices, little minds, full of discovery. I'm blessed!
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Legs and Such
So there's this Barbie leg that's been lying on the floor of our office for a few days. Finally, someone noticed it and picked it up again to play with. It just happened to be my two-year-old, Shiloh. She brings it to me. "Leg, Mommy!" (For the record, Shiloh can talk in big sentences, but I guess she didn't feel the need due to the obvious nature of the statement.)
I take it from her and proceed to imaginatively show her all the things it could be. You know, a knife, a fork, a popsicle stick, etc. After my little show, which I happen to think is brilliant and quite entertaining, she continues looking at me with her blank stare, clearly unimpressed. It's quiet for a moment as I'm smiling, waiting for some sort of recognition of my brilliance. And she says again, "...Mommmy. LEG."
Ah, well. Yes, I guess that's all it is. Although a few minutes later, I notice she had found the leg's partner and was using them as drum sticks. I sometimes laugh to myself at the thought that we don't even bat an eye at the Barbie carnage lying all over the house. In closing, I'll add that when I set out the coloring materials just now for my two littlest girls, the Barbie legs were haplessly thrown to the floor as she abandoned them for crayons. Poor Barbie!
I take it from her and proceed to imaginatively show her all the things it could be. You know, a knife, a fork, a popsicle stick, etc. After my little show, which I happen to think is brilliant and quite entertaining, she continues looking at me with her blank stare, clearly unimpressed. It's quiet for a moment as I'm smiling, waiting for some sort of recognition of my brilliance. And she says again, "...Mommmy. LEG."
Ah, well. Yes, I guess that's all it is. Although a few minutes later, I notice she had found the leg's partner and was using them as drum sticks. I sometimes laugh to myself at the thought that we don't even bat an eye at the Barbie carnage lying all over the house. In closing, I'll add that when I set out the coloring materials just now for my two littlest girls, the Barbie legs were haplessly thrown to the floor as she abandoned them for crayons. Poor Barbie!
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Mid-Afternoon Panic
So for what it's worth, I'm going to describe what I'm feeling now, which is an all-too-familiar sense of panic. Why am I panicked? Why is my stomach in knots and why am I fighting this feeling like I need to instantly escape?!
It's "Mid-afternoon Panic"! Translated as such: It's 3:40. I haven't been to the grocery store this week, so I therefore have nothing to prepare for supper tonight. Husband is coming home in 2 hours expecting a family meal, and I've got nothing. Not to mention that I'm feeling really light-headed and out-of-it, which means I've either got low blood sugar or need to intake more iron. THEN, in this state, I've got to figure out how to procure food for the evening. My two oldest kids are out with my mom and will be arriving any time, which will no doubt up the volume and stress level, and I'm mentally not ready for them and their constant requests. Additionally, husband is headed back to work after dinner, which means I'll be "single momming" it all night. Ugh. AND I'm adding a three-year-old nephew to the mix, which means I will be trapped at the house b/c there's literally no room in our mini-van for all of us. PANICCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC!!!!
I'm freaking out. Everything in me is saying, "Run!! Escape!!!" But where the heck am I going to go? I feel like I need to get out of the house (because I haven't yet today), maybe go exercise or something, or maybe take a shower. But I'm started to feel a little depressed on top of it all b/c I feel like I can't win. I feel like I can't ever be on top of things. I feel trapped and like I'm stuck in this house and with these responsibilities that I can't adequately take care of. I long for the day when I'm back in my "groove" and when I'm accomplishing more than a few things every day.
This is not the best side of me, for sure. But I wanted to record it in case, if nothing else, I need my husband to read it so he understands me a little better.
AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!
It's "Mid-afternoon Panic"! Translated as such: It's 3:40. I haven't been to the grocery store this week, so I therefore have nothing to prepare for supper tonight. Husband is coming home in 2 hours expecting a family meal, and I've got nothing. Not to mention that I'm feeling really light-headed and out-of-it, which means I've either got low blood sugar or need to intake more iron. THEN, in this state, I've got to figure out how to procure food for the evening. My two oldest kids are out with my mom and will be arriving any time, which will no doubt up the volume and stress level, and I'm mentally not ready for them and their constant requests. Additionally, husband is headed back to work after dinner, which means I'll be "single momming" it all night. Ugh. AND I'm adding a three-year-old nephew to the mix, which means I will be trapped at the house b/c there's literally no room in our mini-van for all of us. PANICCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC!!!!
I'm freaking out. Everything in me is saying, "Run!! Escape!!!" But where the heck am I going to go? I feel like I need to get out of the house (because I haven't yet today), maybe go exercise or something, or maybe take a shower. But I'm started to feel a little depressed on top of it all b/c I feel like I can't win. I feel like I can't ever be on top of things. I feel trapped and like I'm stuck in this house and with these responsibilities that I can't adequately take care of. I long for the day when I'm back in my "groove" and when I'm accomplishing more than a few things every day.
This is not the best side of me, for sure. But I wanted to record it in case, if nothing else, I need my husband to read it so he understands me a little better.
AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!
Monday, August 17, 2009
Separation Anxiety
I've noticed, as a mom, that there are definite times when I desperately need to separate myself from my kids and FEEL like I'm my own person. Tonight was one of those nights. Jeremy has been working nights during the week, and while we had an AWESOME family weekend (time at friends' houses, swimming at the lake, etc.), it's Monday again, and I feel like a single parent. After supper, I loaded everyone up and we headed to a nearby gym for some much-needed "separation time".
Unfortuntely, they weren't providing childcare tonight, so my plan of taking my frustration out on the nearest treadmill fizzled. But we headed to the basketball courts, where we could all run around, shoot hoops, and just generally enjoy our own separate identities. It was SO fun, and mutually enjoyed by all! I even loosened up enough to swing my kids in circles by their arms, faster, faster, faster, so fast we almost took flight!
When we were getting ready to leave, my four-year-old, who is seriously tiny, came up to me with a sad look on her face and said, "Mommy, why am I so small?!" And I said, "What do you mean?!" She said, "My body...it's so small!" and I said, "Baby, are you feeling small tonight?" and she sadly nodded her head. Oh! Heart breaking! I tried to assure her that she would eventually grow bigger, but that's not much comfort to a wee preschooler.
When we got home just now, I was putting her in bed, and she was again bemoaning the fact that she was so little. I tried the whole "Guess what?! When you sleep, your body GROWS!" (it's true, you know!). But she put me in my place with a tearful, "but I'm not going to be bigger in the morning!". My goodness...sometimes, you want to distance yourself so far from your children that you're on different continents, and then other times, you want to draw them so close that they squish into you and you absorb them.
It's the latter times...the times you want to pull them so near...that make it all worth it. The prayer of my heart is: "GOD! Please don't let me say something that I will regret during the times my heart is far away." While I treasure my time apart, my time to remember who I am as an individual, I treasure even more the times I remember why I love being my kids' mother.
Unfortuntely, they weren't providing childcare tonight, so my plan of taking my frustration out on the nearest treadmill fizzled. But we headed to the basketball courts, where we could all run around, shoot hoops, and just generally enjoy our own separate identities. It was SO fun, and mutually enjoyed by all! I even loosened up enough to swing my kids in circles by their arms, faster, faster, faster, so fast we almost took flight!
When we were getting ready to leave, my four-year-old, who is seriously tiny, came up to me with a sad look on her face and said, "Mommy, why am I so small?!" And I said, "What do you mean?!" She said, "My body...it's so small!" and I said, "Baby, are you feeling small tonight?" and she sadly nodded her head. Oh! Heart breaking! I tried to assure her that she would eventually grow bigger, but that's not much comfort to a wee preschooler.
When we got home just now, I was putting her in bed, and she was again bemoaning the fact that she was so little. I tried the whole "Guess what?! When you sleep, your body GROWS!" (it's true, you know!). But she put me in my place with a tearful, "but I'm not going to be bigger in the morning!". My goodness...sometimes, you want to distance yourself so far from your children that you're on different continents, and then other times, you want to draw them so close that they squish into you and you absorb them.
It's the latter times...the times you want to pull them so near...that make it all worth it. The prayer of my heart is: "GOD! Please don't let me say something that I will regret during the times my heart is far away." While I treasure my time apart, my time to remember who I am as an individual, I treasure even more the times I remember why I love being my kids' mother.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Foundation of Thankfulness
So first of all, you know it's time to jump on the weight-loss bandwagon when your two-year-old asks you if there's still a baby in your tummy. Yeahhhhh...
Second of all, I had this sobering realization the other day that all THIS - meaning this family I've got - could change at any time. You never know what's around the corner, and I want to appreciate and enjoy every minute with these precious little kids of mine and with my awesome husband. Granted, there will definitely be minutes when I'm NOT enjoying my kids, but I want to still, even in the midst of the ugly, crazy nitty-gritty of child-rearing, have an underlying foundation of thankfulness for the gifts I've been given in these kids and in my family as a whole.
With this, though, I have to confess, I've had times when I'm like, "Oh, God, PLEASE don't let THIS be my last interaction with them!" and when my heart is REALLY hard, I tell myself, "Well, they'll be in Heaven and they'll understand why I was so mad at them..." Is that even funny? Don't know, but it's true. Hmm...
Anyhoo, we're off to a busy day, but I'm going to try and remember how blessed I am today...that children truly are "gifts from the Lord", as the Bible says.
Second of all, I had this sobering realization the other day that all THIS - meaning this family I've got - could change at any time. You never know what's around the corner, and I want to appreciate and enjoy every minute with these precious little kids of mine and with my awesome husband. Granted, there will definitely be minutes when I'm NOT enjoying my kids, but I want to still, even in the midst of the ugly, crazy nitty-gritty of child-rearing, have an underlying foundation of thankfulness for the gifts I've been given in these kids and in my family as a whole.
With this, though, I have to confess, I've had times when I'm like, "Oh, God, PLEASE don't let THIS be my last interaction with them!" and when my heart is REALLY hard, I tell myself, "Well, they'll be in Heaven and they'll understand why I was so mad at them..." Is that even funny? Don't know, but it's true. Hmm...
Anyhoo, we're off to a busy day, but I'm going to try and remember how blessed I am today...that children truly are "gifts from the Lord", as the Bible says.
Monday, August 3, 2009
The Blessing of Space
So back to my normal confessions and rants...
Today started off with the normal amount of frenzy. Kids woke me up with a "Mommy, it's some time after 8!" My son was all dressed for swimming lessons, which didn't start until 11, and he's in a panic and asking me if he has to take a nap today. Not my favorite way of waking up, to say the least. I stumbled to the kitchen to try and down a cup of coffee to get my brain functioning, meanwhile fielding multiple requests and panicked questions about the day. Sighhhhh. Then I went into our office, where my husband had written a snarky note to me about the state of our finances and my seemingly utter disregard for poverty. I, being the "clueless by choice" spender of the family, quickly threw clothes on, ordered the kids out the door, and sped to the bank to deposit some hoarded cash and to return a couple of purchases so we'd have some operating money this week. Sighhhhh.
By the time we got back to the house, we're all hungry, kids are whiny, and I was previously only able to swallow 2/3 of my coffee, so let's just say that no one's at their best. Especially me. I get breakfast made and sit everyone down at the table, then I retreat to the office to nurse the baby, surf "help for cranky mommies" websites, and eat eggs and toast one-handed.
At this point, the kids are finishing breakfast and starting to fight with each other. I head back to the dining room to break up the fight between the 2 & 4 year olds, and suddenly realize I'm about to snap. Can't quite put my finger on why, but it's about to happen, so I decide I need to "divide and conquer." I shoo everyone into their rooms to sit on their beds for the remaining 15 minutes until departure time so I can have some time to gear up and plan our day in peace. Unfortunately, my children haven't yet been successfully trained to "obey quicky, cheerfully, and completely" (a mantra you'll hear a lot around our house), so the brakes go on, they demand a "why", and I lose it. That's right...I snapped. I screamed at the top of my lungs "Because I said so, dammit!" Sighhhh. Kids-0, Mommy-0, Anger-1. Everybody loses.
I can't figure out what put me in such a funk this morning. I think part of it was the fact that I'm reading a book on how to train your children to obey and feeling very insufficient in my technique and follow-through these days. It's an awesome book, don't get me wrong, and I'm really excited about implementing its principles. However, I haven't finished yet, so I feel like I'm kind of stuck in Purgatory or something b/c I'm half-informed and half-clueless. But I have read enough to know that children need to obey WITHOUT having to know WHY. This is something I wholeheartedly agree with. Hence the volcano eruption when they demanded a reason for my "order".
Did I mention that this parenting thing kicks my butt? People say age brings wisdom, and boy, is it true. Reading this book ("What the Bible Says About Child Training" by J. Richard Fugate) is causing me to have all kinds of flash-backs about times growing up when I would deliberately disobey my parents or throw fits or talk-back in disrespect. I found myself in deep repentence the other night when I was nodding off to sleep. "Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of correction will drive it far from him." (in Proverbs somewhere) Interesting thing is, I don't think I really ever learned to submit to authority until I was in my late twenties. I had plenty of experiences with "the rod of correction" as a child, but the rebel inside didn't lay down until I finally matured enough to see the blessing that comes from submitting to the authority that God has placed in your life. It was actually my first "real" job that taught me this.
Anyhoo, I'm kind of digressing into random musings now, but here's something I'm thankful for: times of separation from our kids. My mom graciously took the little girls with her for an hour while the older two, the baby, and I headed to swimming lessons. Sitting on the half-wall watching my kids with their instructors, splashing around in the water and learning a healthy respect for it, I was filled with love again for these little offspring of mine. And I was thankful for the distance between us, thankful for the space that allows me to step outside of the situation and just appreciate them for the little individuals they are. And now, I'm ready to be close to them again, ready for all of us to rub and bump against each other, embracing the tender moments and bracing myself for the ones that cause friction.
Today started off with the normal amount of frenzy. Kids woke me up with a "Mommy, it's some time after 8!" My son was all dressed for swimming lessons, which didn't start until 11, and he's in a panic and asking me if he has to take a nap today. Not my favorite way of waking up, to say the least. I stumbled to the kitchen to try and down a cup of coffee to get my brain functioning, meanwhile fielding multiple requests and panicked questions about the day. Sighhhhh. Then I went into our office, where my husband had written a snarky note to me about the state of our finances and my seemingly utter disregard for poverty. I, being the "clueless by choice" spender of the family, quickly threw clothes on, ordered the kids out the door, and sped to the bank to deposit some hoarded cash and to return a couple of purchases so we'd have some operating money this week. Sighhhhh.
By the time we got back to the house, we're all hungry, kids are whiny, and I was previously only able to swallow 2/3 of my coffee, so let's just say that no one's at their best. Especially me. I get breakfast made and sit everyone down at the table, then I retreat to the office to nurse the baby, surf "help for cranky mommies" websites, and eat eggs and toast one-handed.
At this point, the kids are finishing breakfast and starting to fight with each other. I head back to the dining room to break up the fight between the 2 & 4 year olds, and suddenly realize I'm about to snap. Can't quite put my finger on why, but it's about to happen, so I decide I need to "divide and conquer." I shoo everyone into their rooms to sit on their beds for the remaining 15 minutes until departure time so I can have some time to gear up and plan our day in peace. Unfortunately, my children haven't yet been successfully trained to "obey quicky, cheerfully, and completely" (a mantra you'll hear a lot around our house), so the brakes go on, they demand a "why", and I lose it. That's right...I snapped. I screamed at the top of my lungs "Because I said so, dammit!" Sighhhh. Kids-0, Mommy-0, Anger-1. Everybody loses.
I can't figure out what put me in such a funk this morning. I think part of it was the fact that I'm reading a book on how to train your children to obey and feeling very insufficient in my technique and follow-through these days. It's an awesome book, don't get me wrong, and I'm really excited about implementing its principles. However, I haven't finished yet, so I feel like I'm kind of stuck in Purgatory or something b/c I'm half-informed and half-clueless. But I have read enough to know that children need to obey WITHOUT having to know WHY. This is something I wholeheartedly agree with. Hence the volcano eruption when they demanded a reason for my "order".
Did I mention that this parenting thing kicks my butt? People say age brings wisdom, and boy, is it true. Reading this book ("What the Bible Says About Child Training" by J. Richard Fugate) is causing me to have all kinds of flash-backs about times growing up when I would deliberately disobey my parents or throw fits or talk-back in disrespect. I found myself in deep repentence the other night when I was nodding off to sleep. "Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of correction will drive it far from him." (in Proverbs somewhere) Interesting thing is, I don't think I really ever learned to submit to authority until I was in my late twenties. I had plenty of experiences with "the rod of correction" as a child, but the rebel inside didn't lay down until I finally matured enough to see the blessing that comes from submitting to the authority that God has placed in your life. It was actually my first "real" job that taught me this.
Anyhoo, I'm kind of digressing into random musings now, but here's something I'm thankful for: times of separation from our kids. My mom graciously took the little girls with her for an hour while the older two, the baby, and I headed to swimming lessons. Sitting on the half-wall watching my kids with their instructors, splashing around in the water and learning a healthy respect for it, I was filled with love again for these little offspring of mine. And I was thankful for the distance between us, thankful for the space that allows me to step outside of the situation and just appreciate them for the little individuals they are. And now, I'm ready to be close to them again, ready for all of us to rub and bump against each other, embracing the tender moments and bracing myself for the ones that cause friction.
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