Toothbrushing Fiasco

So today, I descend upon a most interesting toothbrushing scene in our bathroom. Shiloh, my two-year-old, has just dipped her toothbrush into the toilet bowl "because there's water in there, Mommy!". ARE YOU KIDDING ME????!!! How does one respond to this?!!!! I thought about taking her to get dry cleaned or maybe making her swallow a gallon of hand sanitizer. But seriously...how long has this been going on?!

I have to confess I'm thinking this is what I deserve b/c I don't often supervise the daily cleansing of the teeth. The dentist asks, "So do they brush their teeth by themselves, or do you help them?" Uh...why do you ask? Is it because they're teeth are impeccable due to obvious adult intervention? Or is it because they're rotting underneath and it's obvious that Mommy has 5 kids and sometimes slacks in the grooming department?

Sigh! But I will say that this is one of those areas I freak out about. Teeth. I mean, maybe we get a little mercy, what with the baby teeth eventually falling out, but these permanent teeth...wow...they're supposed to last a lifetime. And sure, I don't let them eat candy very often, and the little ones have never taken juice sippy cups to bed...but that strawberry-flavored mouth wash formulated just for kids? REEEALLY. To me, that has "poison potential" written all over it. I mean, first of all, what kid under age 10 knows how to gargle and then spit? There's no question that about 85% of what's swished about in the mouth will be ultimately ingested. No thank you. And as for the floss...well...I confess...we floss about once a month, if that. My kids use floss as a tool, alright, but more so a tool for hanging toys from chairs, making parachutes for My Little Ponies, and such.

Let's just say I'm praying that God has some sort of miracle for redeeming spotty teeth maintenance, because the whole business of teeth is something I find completely overwhelming. Pretty much, until a kid is capable of scrubbing those things into tip-top shape all by himself/herself, we just kind of stick the toothbrush in the mouth and hope for the best. Besides...have you ever tried to brush a screaming toddler's teeth? You'd think you could really get in there and manuever, what with the wide-open mouth, but it's the kicking and thrashing that really cramp one's style.

Anyhoo...I guess if worst comes to worst, they can always fall on the graces of cosmetic dentistry. Maybe I'll start a "yeah, your mom wasn't that great at implementing a proper tooth brushing routine until you were old enough to handle it yourself, so here's some money to get caps on all your teeth when you're in your twenties" savings account. Or...and this would be a stroke of luck...maybe the bleach we clean the toilet with works wonders on the human mouth. Maybe Shiloh...maybe she's on to something!