Sorry, anyone who checks in on my blog...I'm pretty bad about remembering to come vent here. I owe you one! So here you go:
(This was written the other day while my kids played at the park and I stewed on the bench)
What is WRONG with me?! It's like, I KNOW we all function better when we go to a park or outside every day. But every now and then, I say "no" when my kids ask if we can go just because I don't want them to think they're "running the show." How retarded is THAT?! Usually ,when I get like that, I'm already really annoyed with my kids, and my stupid decision just exacerbates the problem. But they're KIDS! They NEED to get out and play every day! I firmly believe this! So what is my deal?! I'm an idiot!
My oldest sister commented on one of my postings that what helped her (the mother of 4, who are now mostly grown) was to step back from the situation and try to see it from an uninvolved outsider's perspective, instead of reacting in the heat of the moment. Like right now, for instance. After a stressful and failure-of-a-morning, we're at the park. It changes EVERYTHING! The sun feels so good - SO GOOD - on my skin, and the fresh air is healing. It reminds me of everything good and happy, every fond memory growing up and every hope of happy times to come. But I'm trying to write while the kids play, and I've got a very whiny, clingy two-year-old in my arms. Ugh. She's been so needy lately, and, I confess, it's driving me crazy. I'm ashamed to say it, but the last thing I want to do right now is hold her. I'm like, "Hey, Baby, why don't you go play with your sister and brother? Look! You want to go slide?! Ooooh, why don't you go slide?! Mommy needs space right now..." But, my irritation (and selfishness) aside, at least she's lightweight. It would really stink if she were like my other kids and in the 95th percentile for her age. That would be annoying and physically taxing. So there's something to be thankful for. How horrible am I?!
So, that said, here are some things I'm going to post around my house - some much-needed reminders of how to maintain as much peace as possible with my four-ring circus:
1) GO OUTSIDE EVERY DAY!
2) BE THANKFUL
3) RE-EVALUATE YOUR GOALS (and change them if they're leading to constand frustration)
4) A BROKEN, SURRENDERED LIFE SMELLS THE SWEETEST
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2 comments:
Hey Erin!!! I randomly decided to go all the way back to the beginning of my blog just for the heck of it, and I saw that you commented at the end of June. Somehow I missed that then, because I didn't even know you had a blog! How exciting! Even if the last time you posted was at the beginning of December. =) And I love the name of it - "Raw Mommyhood". It's very fitting. And you are CERTAINLY not alone. I know that I don't know the half of it, because I only have one. But it's hard. So thanks for being real. I love you! I'm glad for the couple of times we saw each other in the summer. Hopefully I'll be able to keep up with you here. =)
Love, Sara Waters
Woman, get thee to writing henceforth! I hope this isn't a sign that you are not taking time for yourself. I love your honesty. You are a wonderful Mother for many reasons, not the least the fact that you are honest with yourself and your children about your "humanness." You are teaching your children how to be patient, understanding and unconditional, like our father, by being that way with yourself and them. Bless you, sister! I love you! Keep the blogs coming, both for us and for yourself!
Love, Chelle
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