Mother's Day

I've been mulling something over since Mother's Day, and I figured I needed to blog about it to properly process it, but I've been putting it off. My kids are playing quietly right now, so I'm gonna go for it. :)

It all started with preparation for Mother's Day. A few days before, I remembered something I overheard my mom say to a friend, "Mother's Day is more important to me than my BIRTHDAY!". I always thought that was a little strange, seeing as I'm waaaay into birthdays, but I tucked that little tidbit into my heart and made sure that I make my mom feel special and loved on her special day.

This year, however, I feel like I'm starting to understand where she's coming from. That Sunday morning was stressful and full of chaos, as usual, trying to get 5 little people ready, cute, and out the door as to not be more than 30 minutes late to church (sadly, our norm). I was up early making stuff manicotti so my parents could join us right after church and food would be ready. I spent the last 15 minutes before we walked out the door on myself, meaning a quick shower, semi-wet hair, and a thrown together outfit. I was feeling like a failure as a mother for several reasons, I'm sure, one being my lack of sweetness and my impatience with my kids.

When we got to church, they played little video snippets of different people honoring their moms, and while it was so awesome to hear, it was kind of discouraging to me, because I kept asking myself, "What would MY kids say 10 or 20 years from now about ME?". (Maybe this was the point...it sure made for some heartfelt repentence during the ministry time!)

But I realized, you know, yeah...Mother's Day IS important, probably because there are so many of us mothers who feel like we're doing a horrible job, who feel like total failures at this motherhood thing. It's almost like, turning another year older, whoo-hoo, big deal...I do that whether I'm good at it or not. But MOTHERING...now THAT'S hard work! My whole LIFE has changed because I'm a mother, not to mention I have discovered how much I need God's grace and mercy DAILY to effectively lead and disciple and love these kids He's given me.

So I think I'm siding with my mom on this whole "really whoop it up on Mother's Day" thing, even though neither she nor I nor anyone else would probably admit out loud WHY this day is so important to us. I think it comes from a deep need, a deep wound, a deep sense of insecurity about our job performance. Not that we need to be lauded and stroked, but just that we need to be encouraged. "You're doing a good job, lady...hang in there!" or "I know it looks like I never listen to you, Mom, but once a year, I can admit that you make a lot of sense." You know, those kinds of things.

So happy belated Mom's Day, friends. Hug yourselves and know that you're loved, know that you're cherished, know that it's gonna be worth it all!

Here We Go...

Wow - long time no blog. Been resisting and completely intentionally avoiding this blog for the past few months. Don't know why, but hey, at least I'm back now.

Today is "Field Day" for my two oldest kiddos, and the morning was less-than-ideal for what should be a fun-filled day. Hubby and I were both incredibly grumpy (nevermind that I was up til 2am), and our poor children stumbled out the door in tears.

I feel horrible now, now that I've had time to wake up a little more and process. These are the times I wish I could send flowers to their school...something happy and bright, with a note asking for forgiveness for being so darn grumpy. Or call them up on a cell phone right in the middle of a math test..."Hey, sorry, real quick: I love you. Sorry Mommy was a jerk this morning." Wouldn't that be great? I think I'll write them a note apologizing so they can have it and keep it and read it again the next time I pummel them with my crankiness. Sigh.

This parenting stuff, it's hard! I know they're only kids...I shouldn't be annoyed that my daughter freaked out about having to have a sack lunch today right as it was time to walk out the door, or that she left her glasses at church the other night. Nevermind that my son suddenly decided he didn't like grilled cheese even though he's liked it for 7 years. Nevermind that they were stomping and clomping around the house and arguing with everything we said, waking up their little siblings (way too early!). I remember being a kid. I remember how annoying I was, but I know it wasn't intentional.

This is where we need that verse about how God's mercies are new every morning. Except I need them to be "new" TWICE every morning. That way, when I blow it the first time around, come 9am, I can get some more!

So here we go on our busy day, hoping for the best from the littles since they didn't get much sleep, but bracing myself in case we have some extra meltdowns. I'm operating on 4 hours of sleep, so this could get ugly. Won't be able to take a nap today either. Oh...help! Lord, help!